i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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