I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i was born a porn star she said
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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