Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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