he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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