Apparently you make a good broom.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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