i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
