is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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