I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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