We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
