those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
