I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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