We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.