In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
