One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.