I feel great
I just peed on a car
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worst night to have a conscience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.