I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
