You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How