Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
