when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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