So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
