I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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