these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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