I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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