WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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