omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
