I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
