Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Pooping to opera.
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