i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
