Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
