had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
