I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize