Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Randomize
