i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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