I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
