I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
