There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
