i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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