do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
