I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
