we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
