sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
