The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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