i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
