What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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