Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
