vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
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Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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