I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I came so hard my ears popped.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
