just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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