We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
