I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
