if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He felt like a one man threesome
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
