Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
