I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize