just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
