i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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