yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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