Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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