it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
