SEEEEXXX PLEASE
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need a sexual gate keeper
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
