Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
