Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We are two peas in an std pod
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
