im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
