who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
