Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
