I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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