I can text with my tongue
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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