Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
