I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
