i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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