I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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