Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
