I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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