forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Holy shit dude........stairs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
