I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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