What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tell her she can't have a vagina
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
