There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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